Here's to No Expectations!

I am so very conflicted right now with all of my hobbies, interests, duties, responsibilities, my health, my spirituality, my sanity...the list could go on and on! I have recently signed up for my first 50 mile race! I love to run, but it takes a lot of time and energy out of me. I also love to build and design things, but that also takes time and usually puts  me into "crazy mom" mode full swing. My last project just did me in as I realized that I cannot stop a project once I've started.  It just consumes me and it is so hard for me to balance out the important things in my life.  I sometimes hate that I am an- all -or -nothing person. But I cannot do everything all the way-all at once. 

 I can tell I am slowly drifting away from my goal to put family first. My passions are taking over. I can see how my family is suffering.  It breaks my heart when my 2 year old says "no, mom don't leave. Sit with me, please!" I have slacked in many other areas that truly are most important for me.  So I have decided to have no expectations for any extra curricular activities such as blogging, wood working, crafting, running, exercising,(which I will do before crafting) and any other hobby of that nature that does not directly relate to the well being of my family.  

I will however, try to pray more, read the scriptures more, and to put my kids on a better schedule. How about I make sure they eat 3 square meals a day and get the rest they need? Or how about I actually play with them every day instead of put them in front of the TV for hours? (Can you tell I have some guilt going on here?) When I am so tired from doing my projects, I really don't have enough energy to even care that they have eaten the whole bag of Oreos! I know in my gut this is not how things should be in my life.  I have many good intentions, but I cannot possibly do it all.  I truly wish I could always do a little of everything, but I just love too many things! I do know that I will receive far greater happiness from attending to those things most important in my life.  The rewards will outweigh any sadness I may have for not being able to indulge in all of my hobbies. 

I want to get back to having a desire serve others.  I know I really need to focus on this great commandment because I am finding myself being annoyed with people, and that is not how I want to feel.  Life is a balancing act, and it is oh so hard.  I am so grateful for my family, my life, my trials.  Even though I struggle, I always have a ray of hope that leads me towards what I feel I need to do to be truly happy.  

I read in a book once that if you do not expect anything of yourself, then you are free.  Now this may sound a little quirky to some people. But for me, I get it.  I used to strive for perfection, and when the outcome not perfect, (and no human is), I would punish myself greatly emotionally.  So for people like me who tends to be an over achiever in some areas, and just really hard on myself, this statement makes perfect sense.  It actually frees me to be human and actually make mistakes and be OK with them.  This process actually allows a person to progress so much farther and faster that one who does not allow imperfection.  We learn from our mistakes, and when we are not afraid to fail, we soar! 

 I just want to be happy and to do what's right. That's all. And this is what I think is right.  I don't want to say I will never build again, or run again, or whatever. But I want to take care of the most important things first, then if there is time, I can choose to spend it on one of my extra curricular hobbies. My children, ages 2 and 4, are so small now and they need my love and attention.  I need to be close to that still, small voice.  I could use a little more guidance now.  I know how to do that , so here I go.  Writing this post is like a vow to myself that I want to be better and that I am following what I feel is best for my family.  Life is so...peculiar.  It can be described in so many ways. But for me, for now, its peculiar. It's not something negative, just interesting. I never know what to make of it.  But I'm doing my best to go with what it brings me and try to make the best of it.  

So farewell, for now, to weekly DIY projects, because I haven't the time to give a few people a project to look at, that they may or may not even care about. 

 Farewell to hosting a weekly link party, where other DIY'ers like me are hoping to get more followers. 

 Farewell to linking up to link parties and commenting on someone's project that it is 'the most amazing thing you've seen' just because it is courteous to leave a comment, and you wouldn't mind a receiving a comment like that yourself! 

Farewell to entering DIY contests in hopes I will win. 

Goodbye to spending endless hours on other "poplar" DIY blogs, trying to figure out how they became so successful. (Probably by sacrificing a lot of time away from family, and maybe a lot of money on a professional cameras, tools, a web designer, and a lot of schmoozing up to fellow popular DIY blog divas.

This may sound very sarcastic, but it is not meant to be rude or offensive to any bloggers out there.  Sadly, this is exactly what I was trying to do. (sigh) This is just a reflection of what I am feeling as I tried to increase (force) traffic on my blog.  It hasn't been genuine for me, and for that I have no expectations of what comes to be of my blog, and what I put on it.  I don't want to try to be like any one else's blog out there.  I don't even want to care if people read my blog or not.  So here's to writing a blog just for the heck of it, readers or no readers! Ahhhh that feels good to get off my chest; readers or no readers!

 "The average woman today, I believe, would do well to appraise her interests, evaluate the activities in which she is engaged and then take steps to SIMPLIFY her life, putting things of first importance first, placing emphasis where the rewards will be the greatest and most enduring...." -Sister Belle S. Spafford, the 9th R.S. Pres.

Posted in: expectations, extra notions, family, happiness, kids, living loving and learning, motherhood, self love, self-respect