A Legacy of Acheivments

Today we celebrated Easter, and Travis' 31st birthday! I tried to make it a special day with his family and my parents.  This Picture is what I made for Travis' special birthday gift. I first got the idea from a cute blog called Busy Bliss, where she had a collage of pictures of her and her husband doing things of achievement in their lives.  I used that as a basic idea, and then took it to the design of dressing up Eli in clothes that represented some achievements that Travis has accomplished.

 Travis and Eli almost look identical in their Kindergarten pictures! So adorable.

Baptism pictures.  Travis was baptized in 1989.

 This is a picture of Travis in the newspaper for his arrow of light award, but he also is an Eagle Scout. I borrowed these clothes from my neighbor for Eli's picture.

 This represents high school graduation.  Eli is wearing Travis' SBO jacket.

 I love this picture of Travis on his mission in Chihuahua Mexico.

 We are going to celebrate 7 years of marriage this May 5, Cinco de Mayo! 

 This is Eli at about 9 months. I sewed this cute little graduation outfit for him.  Everyone thought he was so adorable! Travis graduated from Weber state in 2008.

This picture represents fatherhood. Travis loves this picture of him kissing Eli and I wanted to stage that for Eli.

 

Kelli, of Utah Photographic Memories, took these wonderful pictures of Eli.  I loved the way this turned out, and Travis loved it too! I had it framed and also had a small one made for Travis' desk. The larger one is for Eli's wall in his room.  We had a great day today!

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Quote Board

I have promised myself I will not do any more large projects that take too much time.  So this little project was perfect. And especially if the project is a crafty way to help me be more organized or inspired.

This quote board hangs in my kitchen where I can see it every day- throughout my day.  I rotate the quotes and or pictures based on what I feel needs to inspire me.  It is bright and colorful; which reflects my new love for vibrance and happiness in my home.

It started out like this. And it has been sitting in my basement for years.

I painted it the same color I did my menu meal planner. Then I glazed it, and sanded  the edges. I even let my kids help me paint a little of it!

I cut out a piece of fabric I had to match the paint color perfectly and glued the sides to make a smooth edge.

I used this Minwax Wipe -on Poly to give it a protective finish. I really like this finish for small, light projects.It is so easy to apply and it gives it a nice soft  look.

I put the hooks back on, and added some photos.

I wanted this rustic look with the wire and clips, and also it was what I already had in my stash. I like the look it gives. Kind of casual and unique.

I love a project that not only looks cute, but also serves a purpose.  I can also collect my quotes as I take them down and refer back to them.  I love this quote; "Motherhood is not a hobby; it's a calling. It's not something you do if you can squeeze the time in- it's what God gave you time for". I am really enjoying instead of thinking what I can make just to make it; but of what to make to help me be a better mom, wife, and balanced person. There is so much power in what we fill our thoughts with. It trickles into what we put our efforts and time into. I am thinking more and more of what I can spend my time doing to balance out my life, instead of only indulging in a hobby.  It feels good.

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How to make your own Gaters

Gaters are great to keep rocks and debris out of your shoes while trail running.  Here is how I made my own running gaters.

First, I used some stretchy spandex like material that could breath and stretch a little. I measured my foot with my running shoe on and created a template. 

I then opened it up and sewed the top and bottom over to create a hem.

Then, I folded it in half, right sides together, and sewed the side up.

I used a zig sag stitch to allow some stretching and movement with my foot.

I sewed a flexible piece of Velcro to the gator, and carefully hot glued the opposite side of the Velcro to the back and bottom of my shoe.

I sewed an alligator clip I had lying around to attach it to my tip laces.  

They are so easy to make and I didn't get one rock inside my shoes!

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Buffalo Run 50 mile Race Report

In a way this almost pains me to write this race report because; I did not complete the 50 miles. Having said that, I still wanted to document this experience.  The race was on March 24, 2012 at Antelope Island.  I first thought I would train for this about 5 months ago but decided the training schedule I wanted to follow was too time consuming.  About a month ago my dad said he would be running this race at a 14 min mile average pace and I thought " I could do that"! The problem was- the race was only a month away.  But my dad assured me my "young" body would be able to do it just fine.  I started training that week and ran about 30 miles that week. The next weekend I ran my own marathon and maintained a  12:15 min mile pace. I felt great at the end.  
The weekend after that I ran the 16 mile loop on the race course and felt good about that.  The next weekend I did the same thing and felt even better. So with only about 3 solid weeks of training, I thought I might be able to finish the 50 miles.  Its a good thing I was a little naive because nerves would not have helped.  

On the morning of the race I was feeling pretty good and calm. I had gotten a decent nights sleep and was ready to see what lie ahead of me.  We started off at 6am and my dad and I kept a good slow and steady pace of 13 min mile as we ascended up the hill.  It was a beautiful, clear day and the mountain views were breathtaking. It was so fun, that first part of the day.  After about 15 miles, we headed down the mountain and passed the 25k and 50k runners who had started their race at 8 am. They were all passing us saying "great job, "looking good"! I cranked up my music and was feeling pretty good.

 I stopped to use the facility at an aid station quickly but I was a little stopped up; not good.  We kept going to the next aid station, got some oranges and such there, and went out to do a little 1 mile arm.  We came back and I filled up my new Nathan running water pack, which I loved. It was 6 miles to the next aid station.  It was pretty hot by this point and I started to feel a little uncomfortable with my inability to relieve myself.  I pressed forward to the next aid station and was feeling more and more uncomfortable.  A few miles later, I was finally able to relieve myself and was feeling a little better.  My stomach was starting to feel very upset, and tight.  I was able to go again and felt a little better, but still my stomach was uncomfortable.  My legs seemed to be holding up fine.  I was trying to drink lots of water, and took electrolyte tablets. 

 I got to the aid station at mile 33 and was feeling very tired, but still confident that I would finish.  I refueled and we were on our way in 2 minutes.  I was hanging in there, still with a very upset stomach, but going forward fine.  5.5 miles from the last aid station, I was feeling a bit light headed.  They poured some cold water on my head and I was on my way again.  By this time I was giving it all I had to stay calm and defer my abdominal discomfort so that I could focus on finishing.  I really thought I could trudge through to the end till I felt very faint. I didn't want to fall over or pass out- I'm not that hard core! I yelled to my dad that I had to sit.  I felt so dizzy and like my body was completely revolting against me.  I was in so much pain and discomfort.  I immediately began sobbing because for the first time, I didn't think I was going to be able to finish.  I was devastated.  I thought of how I could get up and try to keep going, but I let my body win and stayed down because frankly, I was in so much pain and did not want to experience any more! This was at mile 40.75. The time was around 10.5 hours I believe.

Luckily, one of the racers I had recently passed had his girlfriend running with him for the last part of the race and she sat down to help me.  She insisted to stay and help me and assured me her boyfriend would be fine.  My dad ran ahead to tell the next aid station that I would need a ride to the aid stain medic tent. She was actually studying to be a nurse or something in the medical field (I really can't remember much during this time), so I was so grateful she was there.  She helped to calm me down and told me I would be OK. My body was shaking violently and I had never felt like this before.  I knew that I would be OK, but it still scared me.  We sat there for about 30 min and decided she had better try to flag down a passing car on the road close to the trail to take me back.  She got some men to come down and help me to the car.  Once inside, I felt even worse and threw up into a plastic bag (luckily)! It was all just water, and I did feel some relief after that.  

We got the the tent just as I thought I couldn't stand the pain and suspense of getting there any longer. As we pulled in, Travis and the kids were walking to the finish. My friend aka "personal race angel" ran to get my family.  I laid down on the cot and the nurse took my vitals.  I was fine they assured me.  I wouldn't need an IV. That was good news, but I still needed reassurance that I would get feeling better, because it was not happening fast! I was very very cold and still shaking.  My body was still freaking out.  I was still sad I didn't finish, but I was glad I was where I was.  I laid there for almost an hour and an half before I got up and got int he car to go home! Travis was an absolute sweetheart the whole time.  He held my hand and told me I was going to be fine.  It was much worse than child birth, and I'm not kidding!

Slowly, I was able to talk at a normal rate, and feel like my body was settling down.  That night I was pretty sore, and I had a couple blisters, and a big sun burn on my legs and neck.  I soaked in the bath and just moved very slowly for the next couple days.  I felt a little winded and just worn out.  I was disappointed.  I tried not to be, but I was.  The next day I went to sacrament meeting, well just the sacrament and then left. I got some rest then I went back to direct choir practice and then back home again to rest.  I still was so stiff and just so darn disappointed.  I have been thinking all week about what I have learned from this:

The first feeling after disappointment, that I felt that day while laying on that cot, in the tent; was guilt.  I felt guilty for spending so much time, and money, on this hobby.  I had been neglecting my kids and just resenting them in some ways.  I had been trying to work my way back to putting them first before my race, but I still felt a little guilty for the time I had spent ignoring my kids for my hobbies. After I worked away from feeling guilty, I felt that the reason I did not finish the 50 miles was because I had not trained enough.  I really needed to have been training the last 4 months, 30-40 miles a week at least. After coming to this conclusion, I decided that I do not have that much time in my life right now.  I felt a little better about not completing the 50 miles. After all, it was 40 miles I ran!

I tend to go for a goal, and get lost in trying to complete it as my only goal in life.  This is not good for balance in life.  My kids are so young at only 2 and 4 years, and I realized by my own finding and conclusion, that I do not have time for such adventures.  But since I went for it, now I know that to complete this goal, I need to invest a lot more time that I do not have right now in my life.  Some day in the future, when my kids are older, I can go for it again. But for now, I know that I want to spend my time strengthening my family goals. Of coarse I will still run and do a small project here and there, but I have discovered on my own that my time and energy needs to be spent for my family.  I would forever regret it it if all I had to show for in the next 10 years was race medals, and some old re-made furniture.  I have many interests and hobbies, but I think I have learned to balance my life better.  I am glad I attempted the 50 miles.  I now don't have that itch to run 50 miles any time soon.  And I won't be regretting not training for one either.  I am proud of my accomplishments, but will be most proud of a having a happy and unified family.  I have a lot of work to do in this area and now that my focus is on my family first, I feel that it is right.  

 Last years buffalo run- 50k with my dad.

I still love running and will be running around in the mountains east of my house where I grew up running.  I am grateful to have a healthy body that can do amazing things! I thank all of you that helped me feel good about what I did accomplish.  So the goal of completing a 50 mile race will just have to wait for a few years! And that is just fine with me now!

To see how I made my own running gaters click here.

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Stepping up to be a parent.

Since my last post I have really been focusing on being a mom first and foremost.  My kids were out of control and I was not in charge. This was because I was so immersed in my projects and hobbies.  I decided I didn't want it to be that way. I heard a quote that says,

This really hit home for me because I was trying to just squeeze in the time for it.  But, I am happy to announce that I have been focusing doing what God gave me time for: My Family.

The first thing I did was I organized Elijah's room and put back all of his educational toys,books, and games.  I set up the table and cork board to display their art work.  This is where we spend our learning and reading time.  I also brought up his toy chest from the basement and let him choose his favorites to play fill it with. Things were already starting to feel better.

Before I knew it, the kids were playing independently during the day because I was spending quality time with them reading, and coloring.  I have cut back on tv time to about 1 hour a day for each one, and they watch their own shows while the other is at school, or napping.  So they spend all their time together, playing.  It is so beautiful to watch them love each other and have fun together. 

We've been doing lots of crafts, and they acted like we were going to Disney Land when I pulled out the acrylic paints to paint these eggs. That's how little I did crafts with them!

 We took a trip to Antelope Island with their cousins and went to the old ranch.  They even got to see some real big Buffalo.

I try to take them to the Tree House Museum weekly. They love to ride these horses.  I am really trying to learn from my life cycles, and trying to strengthen this current goal I have to establish good routines, manners, fun, respect, love, and happiness by focusing on being there for my kids and family first.  I have found that I must put myself on a schedule with daily goals including washing my face! I can really get off coarse when I get into other hobbies which is why the quote above really hit me. It's a big struggle, but I can say that the kids are behaving better, and so am I.  I am striving to have more of a balance in my life and it feels right.  I only hope that I can strengthen this goal of mine, and not slip back into neglecting my family.  I think I have learned my lesson though by seeing the negative effects of being immersed in my hobbies, and anything else that takes away from the daily routine of creating a healthy, well balanced home life.   I can only try my best and pray for help! But I feel like I'm on the right track.

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Here's to No Expectations!

I am so very conflicted right now with all of my hobbies, interests, duties, responsibilities, my health, my spirituality, my sanity...the list could go on and on! I have recently signed up for my first 50 mile race! I love to run, but it takes a lot of time and energy out of me. I also love to build and design things, but that also takes time and usually puts  me into "crazy mom" mode full swing. My last project just did me in as I realized that I cannot stop a project once I've started.  It just consumes me and it is so hard for me to balance out the important things in my life.  I sometimes hate that I am an- all -or -nothing person. But I cannot do everything all the way-all at once. 

 I can tell I am slowly drifting away from my goal to put family first. My passions are taking over. I can see how my family is suffering.  It breaks my heart when my 2 year old says "no, mom don't leave. Sit with me, please!" I have slacked in many other areas that truly are most important for me.  So I have decided to have no expectations for any extra curricular activities such as blogging, wood working, crafting, running, exercising,(which I will do before crafting) and any other hobby of that nature that does not directly relate to the well being of my family.  

I will however, try to pray more, read the scriptures more, and to put my kids on a better schedule. How about I make sure they eat 3 square meals a day and get the rest they need? Or how about I actually play with them every day instead of put them in front of the TV for hours? (Can you tell I have some guilt going on here?) When I am so tired from doing my projects, I really don't have enough energy to even care that they have eaten the whole bag of Oreos! I know in my gut this is not how things should be in my life.  I have many good intentions, but I cannot possibly do it all.  I truly wish I could always do a little of everything, but I just love too many things! I do know that I will receive far greater happiness from attending to those things most important in my life.  The rewards will outweigh any sadness I may have for not being able to indulge in all of my hobbies. 

I want to get back to having a desire serve others.  I know I really need to focus on this great commandment because I am finding myself being annoyed with people, and that is not how I want to feel.  Life is a balancing act, and it is oh so hard.  I am so grateful for my family, my life, my trials.  Even though I struggle, I always have a ray of hope that leads me towards what I feel I need to do to be truly happy.  

I read in a book once that if you do not expect anything of yourself, then you are free.  Now this may sound a little quirky to some people. But for me, I get it.  I used to strive for perfection, and when the outcome not perfect, (and no human is), I would punish myself greatly emotionally.  So for people like me who tends to be an over achiever in some areas, and just really hard on myself, this statement makes perfect sense.  It actually frees me to be human and actually make mistakes and be OK with them.  This process actually allows a person to progress so much farther and faster that one who does not allow imperfection.  We learn from our mistakes, and when we are not afraid to fail, we soar! 

 I just want to be happy and to do what's right. That's all. And this is what I think is right.  I don't want to say I will never build again, or run again, or whatever. But I want to take care of the most important things first, then if there is time, I can choose to spend it on one of my extra curricular hobbies. My children, ages 2 and 4, are so small now and they need my love and attention.  I need to be close to that still, small voice.  I could use a little more guidance now.  I know how to do that , so here I go.  Writing this post is like a vow to myself that I want to be better and that I am following what I feel is best for my family.  Life is so...peculiar.  It can be described in so many ways. But for me, for now, its peculiar. It's not something negative, just interesting. I never know what to make of it.  But I'm doing my best to go with what it brings me and try to make the best of it.  

So farewell, for now, to weekly DIY projects, because I haven't the time to give a few people a project to look at, that they may or may not even care about. 

 Farewell to hosting a weekly link party, where other DIY'ers like me are hoping to get more followers. 

 Farewell to linking up to link parties and commenting on someone's project that it is 'the most amazing thing you've seen' just because it is courteous to leave a comment, and you wouldn't mind a receiving a comment like that yourself! 

Farewell to entering DIY contests in hopes I will win. 

Goodbye to spending endless hours on other "poplar" DIY blogs, trying to figure out how they became so successful. (Probably by sacrificing a lot of time away from family, and maybe a lot of money on a professional cameras, tools, a web designer, and a lot of schmoozing up to fellow popular DIY blog divas.

This may sound very sarcastic, but it is not meant to be rude or offensive to any bloggers out there.  Sadly, this is exactly what I was trying to do. (sigh) This is just a reflection of what I am feeling as I tried to increase (force) traffic on my blog.  It hasn't been genuine for me, and for that I have no expectations of what comes to be of my blog, and what I put on it.  I don't want to try to be like any one else's blog out there.  I don't even want to care if people read my blog or not.  So here's to writing a blog just for the heck of it, readers or no readers! Ahhhh that feels good to get off my chest; readers or no readers!

 "The average woman today, I believe, would do well to appraise her interests, evaluate the activities in which she is engaged and then take steps to SIMPLIFY her life, putting things of first importance first, placing emphasis where the rewards will be the greatest and most enduring...." -Sister Belle S. Spafford, the 9th R.S. Pres.

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"On Becoming You" Part 1 of Living, Loving, and Learning

On my path to find self-love, I came across this book called Living, Loving, and Learning by Leo Buscaglia. I found this at the thrift store at the perfect time.  I was open to anything at that point in my life to make a change.  But before I physically or emotionally invested time in trying to do anything, I first needed to believe that I was worth trying for. The most wonderful thing about this book was that every time I read it, I felt like I was worth trying for! I felt like I was receiving a huge hug and overwhelming feeling of love. He says it in a way that is plain and simple to understand.  I learned that each of us has within us- at any given day- enough. So without writing out the whole book, I will try to share the key points for me that helped to love myself more. 

Leo Buscaglia was a professor with a Ph.D., who taught a University a course called “Love”. It was a course that taught you to love yourself! How awesome is that! The first chapter of his book is called Love as a Behavior modifier. I dog-eared many pages and quotes and this is one of my favorites; Buscaglia quotes Thoreau when he says “Birds never sing in caves.” Buscaglia continues in his own words; “And neither do we. In order to learn, you’ve got to be free. You’ve got to be free to EXPERIMENT, to try, free to make MISTAKES. That’s the way you learn.” I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this! I was always so afraid of making mistakes.  I wasn’t allowing myself to be human.  I didn’t even really realize I was doing this to myself.  I thought when I made mistakes, I had to punish myself. I had the distorted idea that to punish myself for mistakes I made, would make me stronger.  In fact it was severely doing the complete opposite.

I did not let myself make mistakes, and I was extremely affected by others and what they said to me.  Even if it was not meant to tear me down, I would take it as so. This was some kind of awful self-sabotage process I put myself through. Consciously, I had no idea I was doing this to myself.  I did not see myself as someone who had an opinion. The next section in his book is called On BecomingYou.

Buscaglia quotes Saint Exupery’s book called Wind, sand & Stars where he says, “Perhaps love is the process of leading you gently back to yourself.” I love this quote because for people like me, I wanted to love myself, but did not how to do that unconditionally, flaws and all.  I was searching for love everywhere else but through me. If you don’t love yourself, you most certainly will not be able to love others.  If you are like I was, I did not have one clue where to start to learn to love myself.  My problem was that I was searching out side myself.

This book was a huge part in teaching me how to look within. So if you find yourself unhappy with yourself or anything about your life, Buscaglia suggests this: “If you don’t like the scene you’re in, if you’re unhappy, if you’re lonely, if you don’t feel that things are happening, change your scene. Paint a new backdrop. Surround yourself with new actors. Write a new play-and if it’s not a good play, get the hell off the stage and write another one. There are millions of plays-as many as there are people.”

I love the part where he says to ‘paint a new backdrop. Surround yourself with new actors.’ I think many of us are scared of change. But you are worth taking a chance to find something that works better for you.  This can be a hard step, but if you aren’t happy-keep searching for the real things that make the real you happy! And how do you know if you are the real you?  This next quote tells you how to start that journey of becoming you.

“You’ve got to be real. Don’t be a phony. Come on as yourself. The hardest thing in the world is to be something you’re not. As you get closer and closer and closer to what you are, be that, and come on all the time that way. You’ll find it’s an easy way to live. The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don’t let them put you in that position. Find “you,” who you are, come on as you are. Then you can live simply.”

I absolutely love this whole quote. All of it rings so true to me. Why? Because I was being a phony, without even knowing it.  I was just trying to fit in and find out who I was.  If you feel conflicted about what to say to people, how to act, and what to decide, you are definitely trying to be something you are not.  As Leo says, “The hardest thing in the world is to be something you’re not.” Unless you have been on both sides of trying to be someone else, and then trying to be yourself, you will not understand how difficult it is to be yourself. For me, I did not even know who I was.  I had gone through the cycle of being what I thought others wanted me to be, that I lost myself somewhere in all that. When I started uncovering who I was; what I believed, what I liked, what I thought, it really was a million times easier to be me.  

 It was so indescribably revitalizing to get closer to find out what made up me, and to accept and embrace it.

Ignorance prejudices, and judgments played a big part in holding me back to loving and accepting myself; and obviously others.  It was a viscous cycle.  Because I judged myself so harshly, I also judged others. I was afraid to accept my own individuality, and therefore I had a hard time accepting others.  This very issue held me back immensely from finding true love for myself and others. This next quote was also a huge eye opener for me. “You, if you are a loving person, will rule words and not allow words to rule you. You will tell yourself what this world means only after you find out by experience what it means; not by believing what people have told you it means.” 

Rule words. Have confidence in what words you say. To read my post about accepting others and being open to diversity, its called, Born to be...ME!.  And if you say something, make sure it is something you believe to the core, because you have found out by experience what it means. And if you say something that is wrong or offends someone, don’t be afraid to apologize if you see it was hurtful.  As part of not letting myself be human I was terrified, to say the least, of saying something wrong, or stupid. So I never really said anything I really thought, because I was so afraid of being ‘wrong’ or ‘stupid’. I needed a lesson in doing and believing through my own experience. 

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