I Like to ride my Life Cyles

Since I have started this blog in October,2011, it is has evolved a little bit. It started out that I wanted to sell my re-made furniture. But after I accepted that that was just not going to happen- easily-I decided to not just focus on that and make it a family journal also.  After I decided to do that, I started taking photos of my family for post content. By doing so, I started to appreciate them more.  Instead of feeling that every day was mundane or monotonous, I was able to focus on little things that deemed worthy of feeling like "hey, I have a pretty great family".

During our vacation in Sun Valley, we spent every day together, all day. I really saw the benefits of doing things together: Agreeing on activities, working together, less fighting, more giving, being less selfish, just a better feeling all around of togetherness. I loved that feeling, and to be honest, I haven't been feeling that "togetherness" while at home.  And I want that.  So I made a goal; and it was the most perfect time because the new year was right around the corner.  My goal was to 

#1 Be a "TOGETHER FAMILY"

I have lots of hobbies. I love to exercise, run, dance, sing, perform, make things, go to music and dance events, and I just like my alone time. And I thought I was ENTITLED to that. Even if Travis was telling me I needed to be with the family.  But I thought I needed my own time-too much of the time. I am lucky.  My husband LOVES to do EVERYTHING together.  I always resisted that until now.  I have made a goal to put family first.  Do everything I know I need to do to enrich my family life, and then I can do things for me.  When I set this goal, I had faith that if I do do this;then I WILL have my much needed "alone" time for hobbies, leisure etc.  Immediately I started putting it into practice and I can already see the benefits and blessings.

So yesterday, we went shopping together. The usual Sam's, Wal mart, DI (thrift store), and we threw in Hobby Lobby and a trip to Grandma and Grandpa's.  I usually would at all costs, avoid together trips to the store.  Oh, by the way I have a 4-year old and a fresh 2-year old toddler!  So if you have kids or remember what it was like; need I say more?!  But... today I really tried hard to focus on "Today, we are going to the store TOGETHER, and it CAN be a good experience. I snapped these pictures on our way into Wal-mart and they were so happy skipping in and holding hands.  It went pretty well.  I think it was largely because I tried to have a good attitude about it, and enjoyed being together. 

I have really struggled with parenting and feeling like I was doing a good job.  I have these parenting books and have read some of them, but I never seem to be able to remember what they say in the moments that I need to parent.  I saw a quote on Pinterest that said 

"Hand me that book on parenting, so I can hit my kid with it."

Sadly, this is how I have been feeling lately.  Even with my family togetherness goal.  My toddler is just extremely "toddler-ish" right now, and nothing I do seems to calm her down. Sometimes we have good moments and I feel like I did something in the right direction to help her. And these are the positive moments I try to hold onto.  

Which bring me to my theme I have made up for myself this year.  Among many others, this is one that can really benefit me.  I have a tendency to be all- or nothing.  In Everything.  If I run, I want to run a 50k (32 miles, which I did after my first 8 months of running). If I start crafting I want to sell it, in large quantities.  If I start reading I have to keep reading until I finish the book.  I hate starting things without finishing them.  But the bad part is that I want them done NOW!  Which makes it very hard for me to balance.   

After I realized I couldn't perform in the areas I wanted to be "all the way" in; I would get depressed and down on myself.  Especially after working so hard. "Why, after working so hard to get things at a higher level, couldn't it just stay there? I always thought this.  Until recently, I decided; FOR MYSELF (which I believe is THE most important thing in making any changes)that  

LIFE CYCLES ARE OK!!!! 

Things come and go, and we all have different strengths and weaknesses at different times. During the course of several months, I may have had a goal to run a marathon.  So I dedicated 10 or more hours a week to that, and I ran the marathon and it was I great thing.  Then I shifted to making furniture, but still wanted to run.  But I didn't have the time or ENERGY to keep up.  So every time I saw a runner while driving, I felt this pang of jealousy. I wished I could be doing that, and every other single thing that I wished or thought I should be doing.  I was trying to spread myself thin and the absolute WORST part about this whole "dillemma", is that I was totally neglecting 

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE-MY FAMILY.

This was not what I wanted.  SO I have dug deep and used the valuable lessons I have learned in my life decided to realize that I cannot do everything I want to do all at once. That sounds ridiculous just saying it, but I thought I should be able to do it! The guilt and disgust in myself because I was not able to accomplish this impossible task, made me feel so bad about myself- that I would not want to do ANYTHING!  Another bad, bad thing. 

I told myself and helped myself believe that life has cycles.  Sometimes we are up, sometimes we are down. Sometimes we feel like we are good parents, other times, we don't.  Sometimes I'm in shape, other times I jiggle all around the house.  What ever focus you may be in at this moment, it is impossible to be doing every event that is important or desirable.  So don't beat yourself up about it and go with it!  SO I made NO fitness goals this year. Not because I don't think it is important- but because this goal tends to consume my life...I usually ALWAYS think I am fat. I think I could always be working out more.  And even though I know I am doing OK in this area, I let it get me down and it starts effecting my role as a mother and wife for my family.  

So I put my trust in the Lord. I decided that if I put my family first, which reluctantly I admit that I don't always do, that I would have time for other important goals like exercise. I have seen the blessings from this prompting to focus on family.  We are having family night each week with the help of my Family Night Rotation Blocks, which the kids love and look forward to participate in.  We have a new goal to attend the temple without fail and I have set up a temple babysitting swap with another couple in our ward at church. My focus, instead of on ME, and what I need to do for ME, is shifting to family.  And by doing so, EVERYONE is HAPPIER! 

So cheers to Life Cycles.  Life Cycles are good!  They allow us to dip into many different pleasures in life.  Instead of trying to juggle every event in life, and trying to hold onto them as if they should stay...let life ride itself out in its natural cycles.  Every new thing we come across is for a reason,and we are constantly coming across change with ourselves; and with those in our lives. Life cycles are OK!  I have been against them for so long.  But with this new focus in my life, I can finish up a period in my life-frame it and put it on my wall to admire it. And do it without kicking myself for not being "able" to keep up with it; even though in my heart I know it was time to say good bye to that cycle and focus on the new one; knowing it might just come back again! And I'm not talking about not making goals.  I am talking about trying to keep up the juggling act, while adding more, and more things to juggle.  Each person, if they really listen, should know what is most important in their life to focus on.  For me, I am not good at finding balance and so I need to concentrate on this.  So for me, this realization that Cycles in life are OK, was a big "a-ha"moment. 

Someday I will write about one of the most important things I think in this life to succeed is.  To say it in a nut shell it is to:

#1 realize that you are a child of God and with that comes extraordinary rights

#2 The right to have a deep self-respect and reverence for your own existence.  If you are like me, this was the hardest thing to gain. And the only person that can give you that self -respect is yourself. 

#3 If you truly believe you are a child of God and actually base your daily actions on that, I believe, you have a huge advantage to be the best YOU, you can be and to have the best life you could ever have. 

I love my heavenly Father and I love Him for giving me the trials I have so that I can learn and grow. And Hopefully along the way, I can help someone else who may struggle with the same things.  I have dealt my whole life with Anxiety.  I just thought everyone felt the same and that there was nothing I could do about it.  For me, it took 28 years until I learned ;for myself, that only I can develop the love for myself that I knew I deserved.  I have learned how to overcome the biggest "beast" of anxiety in my life by first accepting that I was deserving of self-respect and that if I waited for someone else to give me that- it would never come.  From there, I had the courage and desire to discover who I was and not let anxiety guide my life.  Stay tuned for many entries about this journey in overcoming and controlling anxiety and finding out what being me really meant.  I hope you have a beautiful Sunday. 

Posted in: extra notions, family, motherhood